THE DIARY

1. Mention of ‘sacrifice’ and ‘suffering’ can be delicate. Please do not be offended by a presentation based on Elizabeth’s Diary.
2. Where Fr De Meester has been quoted or paraphrased, in translation, any misrepresentation in his intended meaning is unintentional and is regretted.
3. Direct references to the diary make use of the ‘numeration and classification’ provided by Fr De Meester. This is also used in HMH; but not in MPA or SDE, where the diary entries are ‘dated’. References given in PG were not sourced, except for ‘her last retreat made in the world’ [2].
4. The headings, and grouping of diary entries, as used in these notes are those of the site owner. Any resemblance to the titles, or order, of the talks given in either the mission or the retreat is a coincidence. The order of Elizabeth’s reflections and prayers has not been preserved, except in the references.
5. Since the intention in these notes is to ‘eavesdrop’ – to be actually present with Elizabeth – use of the ‘past tense’ would be out of place when referring to entries in her diary, except for the ‘Introduction’.
6. The French form ‘Marie’ has been retained for Our Blessed Mother in the text.
7. Vertical 'side-bars' have been added to the text to facilitate access to references (left-side) and 'home' (right-side).
8. The opinions expressed are those of the site owner and as such may not be assumed to reflect or to represent the official teaching of Holy Mother Church at any time past or present, neither are those opinions intended in any way as criticism by the site owner of Holy Mother Church or her pastors.

INTRODUCTION

Elizabeth’s diary may be likened to a gem, flawed perhaps, nevertheless beyond price. Only part of her diary is extant [3], chiefly a record of the great mission (1899) and a subsequent retreat (1900); there are no entries between these two events, except for one made a few days after the ending of the mission. The diary is important because it provides a ‘snapshot’: of the religious practices at the turn of the 19th/20th century; and of Elizabeth’s spirituality at the age of 18/19 years. Thereby, ‘throwing some light on’ the meaning to Elizabeth of ‘suffering’ and the ‘Cross’ in her early life, although not enough to visualize a completed jig-saw [4]. Clearly Elizabeth, herself, wanted to keep a record of all the talks and prayers [5].

The diary is available in French [6] and Spanish [7]: the source is the same, but the presentations are different. These notes are based chiefly on the French presentation. The entries are similar to those likely to be found in any intimate diary. During days of the mission and retreat Elizabeth included her summary of the talks, followed by reflections and prayers. She would often add notes about seeing the Preacher for further discussion etc. Elizabeth was able to attend most of the talks [8], but sometimes unable to give more than a brief summary: through lack of time [9] or not hearing the Preacher clearly [10]. Fr De Meester has added many informative footnotes to the diary, and has written a masterful introduction [11].

Her extant letters from this period [L21-L26] were all addressed to a distant relation of almost the same age [12]. During the two periods covered by the diary it is noteworthy that Elizabeth only wrote poetry. Noteworthy on two counts: during the mission and motivated by it, she wrote 4 poems [P67-P70], but she had ceased writing poetry before the start of the retreat [13]; during the subsequent retreat she wrote two personal notes of ‘reflection and prayer’ [PN5, PN6]. No notes from a similar retreat a year earlier were included by her in the diary. However, she did mark the end of that earlier retreat, and the mission, with poems [14].

These notes give no more than a brief overview of the diary. No attempt has been made to include the religious content of either the mission or the retreat; concentrating, instead, on Elizabeth’s reflections and prayers with a view to learning more about Elizabeth the ‘person’. In effect, one is eavesdropping on her intimate conversations with Our Father, Jesus, and ‘Marie’. It is important to realise this when noting her form of address. When speaking with Jesus, Elizabeth usually assumed the mantle of Bride-to-be, or Bride, and referred to Him as her Beloved Bridegroom. Her determination in these conversations, and imitation of the Teresian style, is evident. For example, when asking Our Father why He has not provided the miracle that she has asked for, she finishes by saying: ’Que faut-il souffrir? Parlez.’ [15]! Our Blessed Mother received the same treatment [16]. The diary begins with 10 entries made before the start of the mission. Comparing these with entries taken at random during the mission, shows that while her prayers had become more impassioned, her objectivity was unimpaired. Sincerity and very deep love were Elizabeth’s stock-in-trade throughout.

These diary conversations highlight known passionate feelings: her deep love of Our Father, Jesus, and Marie; her love for her family; her desire to become a nun and her Mother’s reticence; the firm conviction of a vocation; and her desire to suffer. Her passionate desire to save souls, if not too evident before, became very clear with the advent of the mission. Repetition was always a trait [17], and the diary teems with it, which was fortunate because some facets of her spiritual doctrine from the missing pages would have been repeated in the extant portion. In fact, she did copy material from the torn out pages [18]. Repetition is unavoidable in any portrayal of the ‘Elizabeth’ of the ‘Diary’, and the present notes are no exception.

CARMEL AND VOCATION

At the beginning of the diary Elizabeth is still forbidden by her Mother to visit Carmel. The ban is a mortification [19], nothing more; nowhere in her diary is there any criticism of her Mother whom she loved dearly [20]. In her own mind there is no doubt of a vocation [21]. Never could she repay her debt of gratitude for being chosen by Him [22]. In time Jesus would arrange everything [23]; but, for now, He requires her to wait and to strive for spiritual perfection in the world [24]. To wait: ah, but for how long, she asks Jesus [25]? She reminds Him how she had given Him her heart; that her life has no meaning without Him; that she is prepared to die for love of Him [26]. She asks her Beloved [27] to accept her; already wearing the mantle of Bride [28] in the ‘carmel of her soul’

Maybe it will not be too long before she can cement the relationship in Carmel, making her vows [29] and losing herself in the cloister [30]. She reflects on this day to come, every time she hears the lovely Te Deum intoned during the mission [31]. Then she will be with Him, happy, and ready to endure anything [32]; just like any of St Teresa’s daughters who find their joy in the way of the Cross, their nun’s habits, and their poverty [33]. Suddenly she trembles, ‘What if …’. Could there be a Bride more unworthy [34]? Who is she, what has she to offer? She is so weak, she is nothing – the most pathetic of creatures [35]. Perhaps, but Jesus is there at her side to support her, to be her strength [36]; and her confidence returns. Again she thanks Him for her beautiful vocation [37], and she tells Him that she is ready for His call when it comes: to comfort, to love and to suffer [38] . To suffer not least, she knows, in leaving her Mother and sister [39]. Here she uses the word ‘cherish’ as she did in P64 [40] when referring to Jesus Love for His Mother.

Elizabeth is aware that in spite of her firm conviction of the presence of a vocation, she must also convince her Parish Priest. During the mission she will meet with several Priests to discuss points raised in their talks, and, in turn, they will give their opinions about whether God has bestowed on her the precious gift of a vocation [41]. She thanks God for one Priest who is certain of a true vocation [42]. During one of the evening talks, she happened to be sitting near to a statue of Our Blessed Mother, so she turned, as ever, to Our Lady of Perpetual Succour for help [43]. Elizabeth admits that she has asked for so much from Our Lady, but that doesn’t prevent her from asking for Marie’s intercession once more [44]. After all, she says, she is well aware that Our Lady knows all about her desire to become a nun and has encouraged her in this [45]; that Jesus wants Elizabeth all to Himself; and that when, finally, she does give up everything – specifically her Mother and sister – Jesus will deal with the aching void [46].

Elizabeth must have been unaware that her distress, her longing to enter Carmel, had been accurately assessed by her sister, because she was reduced to tears when Guite told her that she had talked with their Maman about her vocation. She told her that it was obvious Elizabeth’s future happiness was at stake; she asked that her Mother would lift her ban; and she promised that if Elizabeth entered Carmel that she (Guite) would look after her Mother. The Mother refused her plea. Nevertheless, Elizabeth asked Our Blessed Lady to reward Guite for her selfless act [47]. She had, of course, overlooked Guite’s tenacity, and when Guite tried again she succeeded. The Mother agreed that Elizabeth could enter Carmel when she was 21 [48].

There is a long entry in the diary in which the family scene is described, following the Mother’s change of heart [49]. All three were in tears as one might expect. Elizabeth’s were tears of deep compassion and of joy. In his introduction to the diary Fr De Meester wrote that, just from reading her diary, the characteristic of Elizabeth which came across was ‘la droiture’ [50], and that is very true of this particular entry. For the record, Elizabeth never forgot this selfless act by Guite.

So everything has changed; only 2 years, then Carmel - so soon! She pictures the happy day in her mind and has already begun to enjoy the scene [51]. Elizabeth thinks she must be dreaming [52]. Now that a date has been fixed, she intends to strive even harder to be a worthy Bride of Christ. She asks her Lord to strip her ruthlessly of anything which displeases Him [53], so as to prepare her for entry into Carmel [54]. Even her conversations with Him change: she believes that her Beloved finds pleasure in a host of light praises and expressions of gratitude for the precious gift of a vocation [55], this mark of His Love which he only gives to special friends [56]. How is it that Jesus can forgive all her sins and then shower her with so many graces? In those so very sweet tears she listens to Him in the depths of her soul counselling her, she hears the Master addressing her as His daughter, telling her that she is needed [57]. Well, she awaits the day with abandonment [58]; the day, not far off, when she will belong to Him; and she feels that He is waiting for that day also [59].

It is interesting to note that some of the ideas contained in her letters from Carmel were already in her mind at the time of the mission. For example, in L324 she wrote “let us look at the Crucified and be conformed to that divine Image” [60]. In her diary she dreams of becoming a Carmelite crucified in His Image [61]. Again, in L133 written to a young teenage friend, “So (the Carmelite) hungers for silence that she may always listen…” [62]. In the diary she begs God to establish solitude in her soul [63].

JESUS

Elizabeth loves Jesus, and He loves her. The entries in her diary: her reflections on the talks and her prayers; are those of someone in love. In his Introduction to her Diary, Fr De Meester has examined the forms of address used by Elizabeth with Our Blessed Lord [64]. The usage of two of these – ‘Beloved’ [65], and ‘Bridegroom’ [66] together with ‘Beloved Bridegroom’ [67], is listed in the References. An additional one, used but once, yet the most beautiful, is ‘Mystery of Love’ [68].

Yes, Elizabeth loves Jesus: she is jealous of others who also love Him so much [69]; His Love has replaced all other love [70]; she has given Him her heart to look after [71] that it might be consumed in the furnace of His Love [72]; and she only lives for Him [73]. She knows that there is no need to be in Carmel, in order to be with Him [74]; to love Him so much, that she could die of love [75]; to love Him so much, that she is prepared to die for love [76]; to love Him so much, that He might forget that there are those who do not love Him [77].

Elizabeth wants Jesus to be aware of her love in everyday life. She wants to prove her love for Him to her own satisfaction: through sacrifice [78]; through prayer [79]; through giving Him souls [80]. In her desire to comfort Him, she is prepared to put up with anything [81]: to make her life an expiation for her own sins and those of others [82]; to joyfully embrace suffering [83]; to share His Cross [84]. As P. Philipon remarks, “God hears such prayers”. [85]. Ultimately she wants to prove her love for Him in the cloister [86]. She is hopeful that these practices will cause Jesus to look only on her love for Him [87]; and overlook how sinful and unworthy she is of His Love [88].

Finally, Elizabeth wants other people, the whole world, to burn with love for Jesus and to experience His Love in their lives [89]. She pleads forgiveness for sinners, so that no one is left out [90].

MARY

The mission was officially dedicated to Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour [91], and Elizabeth placed the retreat, which followed, under her protection [92]. Elizabeth obviously enjoyed the mission, this wonder of God’s Love [93]. She would have discussed the daily topics with her Mother and sister, and particularly with the Preachers [94]. This was so natural to her, that there is very little recorded in her diary about these discussions. The same is true about discussions with her heavenly Mother, Marie. She prayed every day [95] to Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour in the parish church and, doubtless, at home as well.

What did she pray about? During the mission there were 3 talks on Marie: ‘Trust in Marie’ [96], ‘Devotion to Marie’ [97], and ’Our Lady of the Seven Sorrows’ [98]. The few diary entries, which refer to Marie, can be divided into 2 groups: love and devotion to Marie as Our Mother - “Behold thy Mother” (Jn 29:27) - witnessing to her deep love for her earthly Mother; and Marie as a ‘facilitator’ – “They have no wine” (Jn 1:3) – the Mother of her Beloved Bridegroom.

Elizabeth records how she always felt close to Marie as a Mother [99]; and she regularly renews her dedication to her, particularly on her feast days [100]. She was sad at the ending of the mission, ‘All is finished’, but already savouring the future joys with Jesus in Carmel [101]; then she brings Marie into her prayer. She expresses her love and cannot thank her enough: devoting herself to her, asking for her support in her love for Jesus, and promising to pray to her every day [102]. In tears by now, she turns back to Jesus to complete her prayer [103]. Marie is asked to help her Mother and sister in their sorrow as she prepares for Carmel [104]; to continue as the guardian of her purity [105]; and to obtain perseverance for her to become ‘completely perfect’ and holy [106].

Marie, as facilitator, is frequently petitioned to obtain miracles, and also credited with having obtained them, in pursuance of her vocation [107] and in the on-going conversion of Mr Chapuis [108]. She prays determinedly for the conversion of souls. To begin with she petitions Marie with confidence [109]; she echoes the ‘memorare’ telling Marie that she has never let any one down and cannot refuse her now [110]. When Marie doesn’t appear to hear (exaucer) her prayers, she invites Our Blessed Mother to name her price: suffering, even her life, for souls [111].

MOTHER AND SISTER

Elizabeth loves her Mother and her sister dearly [112] but she loves Jesus more [113]. She thanks God for giving her a Mother who can be either tender or severe as the occasion demands [114]. The Mother and two daughters have always been very close so she is well aware of the hurt that will be caused by her entry into Carmel, not only to them [115], but also to herself [116]. The ban on visiting Carmel is irksome to her; but she does not think of defying her Mother over this anymore than she would have done either when her Mother put a stop to her daughter missing meals as an act of mortification [117] or when she was not in agreement with Elizabeth’s desire for a change of spiritual director [118]. Elizabeth is equally reticent about discussing the lifting of the ban with her Mother as this could exacerbate her illness [119]. At the time of the mission the Mother’s illness was in remission [120], but Elizabeth knew that the likelihood of complete recovery was remote which meant that entry into Carmel might not be possible during her Mother’s lifetime [121]. Her sister was not only aware of these difficulties, she realised that Elizabeth’s health was being affected by the worry; and so she approached the Mother, not once but twice, with the result that the ban was lifted and Elizabeth had her Mother’s agreement to enter Carmel in 2 years time.

Guite had promised her Mother that she would take Elizabeth’s place and look after her [122]. While the Mother accepted this in principle, she clearly felt that Guite was too young and so ‘in conscience’ Elizabeth should wait awhile before entering Carmel. Elizabeth thanks God for giving her a ‘beloved’ Mother who is ‘so perfect’ [123]. She never forgot Guite’s selfless offer to take her place and bestows the accolade of ‘devotion personified’ on her small dear sister [124]. She also commends her sister to Marie, asking her to reward Guite [125].

Naturally Elizabeth thanks Marie profusely not only for her Mother’s change of heart [126], but also the manner in which she has accepted the position. She asks Marie to pray for her dear Maman [127] and for herself [128]. She tells Jesus there are no words which adequately convey her gratitude [129]; she entreats Him to mitigate her Mother’s hurt and sorrow [130]; to give her the support, courage and strength that she will need both now and in 2 years time [131].

When Guite broached the subject of Elizabeth’s entry into Carmel, her Mother said that she thought Elizabeth had cooled off as the Priest had not spoken of this recently [132]. Now her Mother was no fool, she must have known how much time Elizabeth was spending in prayer both at the church and at home, and, since the Priest would have known also and about the Mother’s ban on visits to Carmel, would he be likely to open the subject himself? Mother Germaine notes that Mme Catez had read of Elizabeth’s continued longing for Carmel in the Diary [133]. Another intriguing question arises from the belief that the Mother apparently held Jansenist beliefs [134]: if this were correct, wouldn’t a vocation have meant that the daughter was one of the ‘elect’, which would surely have pleased her Mother? What if the Mother’s beliefs were not all that strong? It would explain marriage plans to ensure her daughter’s future happiness [135]. Clearly the Priest would not get involved [136], and Elizabeth is quite indifferent [137]. In her poem [P69], written on the same day, Elizabeth gives her heart to Jesus and tells Him not to give it back to her! Reading the diary entries which record the details of the marriage plans [138], and of the talk on the Passion given on the Evening of the same day [139], one can only conclude that Elizabeth truly is quite indifferent to these plans. Once more her love for her Mother is not affected, and she asks Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour to help her Mother who now recognises her daughter’s singleness of purpose [140].

JOY (REJOICE), AND HAPPINESS

One of the lasting impressions after reading the diary is that Elizabeth, the teenager, was a happy person at heart. In that happiness, had she not assumed the mantle of a Bride [141]; with Jesus as Bridegroom and Marie as her Mother in heaven. Maybe there was anguish over her entry into Carmel and the conversion of Mr Chapuis, but having discussed her problems with Our Blessed Lady, she left these with her, confident of the outcome. Broadly comparing the changing circumstances over the period of the diary: while Elizabeth was overjoyed at having the ban on visits to Carmel lifted, yet disappointed not to have received the long awaited miracle requested from Our Blessed Mother; both her joy and happiness increased overall ‘with this wonder of His Love’ [142]. Surely, one would have questioned the sincerity of the entries had there any other impression.

The words ‘joy’ (‘rejoice’) and ‘happiness’ as used by her, and applied to her, appear in about a third of her reflections and prayers. Her very first entry in the diary tells of her joy in sacrifice in the on-going struggle for perfection [143]. From a later entry it becomes clear that the ‘sacrifice’ referred to, is the immolation of her will [144]: ‘agendo contra’ [145]. Her joy originated with Jesus and was but a shadow of that joy, nevertheless, it was selflessly offered back to Him [146]. As one would expect her sweetest joys centred on Jesus: belonging to Him [147]; a progressively deeper sacramental ‘union’ with Him through more frequent Holy Communion [148]; the rescue of lost souls, even if she does not participate directly [149]; so many communicants on Easter Sunday, when she wept tears of joy for Him [150]. Her greatest joys, though, must surely have lain in Confession: first, as a pre-requisite to receiving her Beloved in Holy Communion [151]; and second, with the opportunities it afforded for spiritual direction [152]. Her choice of confessor obviously affected her joy [153]. Second only to this was the effusion of joy occasioned by prayer. One can open the pages of the diary at random and always find her rejoicing in prayer; in the opportunities for intimate conversations with Jesus [154] and Marie [155]. She also loved to participate in the Divine Office [156].

Mention has been made of her joy in frequent Holy Communion. It does appear that Elizabeth instinctively attempted to differentiate in her diary entries between the intention to receive, and the actual reception. She refers to ‘not having’ the happiness to receive [157] and the happiness of going to receive [158]; but the joy of actually receiving [159]. However, she does use happiness to describe her feelings after having received Jesus [160].

The remaining entries are about things which gave, or could have given, her happiness in relation to her spirituality: to give up everything in the world for Jesus [161]; to suffer, sharing the pain of Jesus [162]; to assist in the return of souls to Jesus [163]; and to prepare for Carmel with Jesus [164]. Happiness can range from relatively simple contentment: for example, anticipating her future happiness in Carmel [165]; to something little short of joy: for example, the intoxicating happiness of the precious gift of a vocation and the newly-acquired freedom to pursue it [166]. With diary entries, there is bound to be doubt as to where, ‘on a scale of 1-10’, Elizabeth’s happiness lay, or, even, if she was using the words ‘joie’ and ‘bonheur’ with the knowledge that joy is selfless [167]. One must simply applaud the frankness and the deep sense of love which ‘speak’ to the reader. In one entry she writes that she is ‘so happy that her heart overflows with joy’ [168]!

MORTIFICATION

The introduction to a 19th century Prayer Book (circa 1895) reads as follows. “Remember, Christian soul, that thou hast this day, and every day of thy life: - God to glorify; Jesus to imitate; The angels and saints to invoke; A soul to save; A body to mortify; Sins to expiate; Virtues to acquire; Hell to avoid; Heaven to gain; Eternity to prepare for; Time to profit of; Neighbours to edify; The world to despise; Devils to combat; Passions to subdue; Death perhaps to suffer;and Judgment to undergo.” In the Catechism, current at that time, Answer ‘332’ reads: - “The four last things to be ever remembered are Death, Judgement, Hell and Heaven”.

Fr De Meester refers to the ‘fear of Judgement’ prevalent at the time of the mission [169], while Jennifer Moorcroft writes: “… the talks contained a good deal of hellfire and damnation, … “ [170]. It is against this background that Elizabeth attended the mission and made her retreat. Two things are to her credit: she recorded the talks factually uncoloured by her own views; and she had wisdom enough to discuss these with a Preacher and to record the outcome, where the content ‘disturbed’ her [171]. It is also useful that Elizabeth commenced her diary about a month before the start of the mission, because the influence of the mission on her reflections, petitions, and loving conversations, can be assessed by comparison with the early entries. Admittedly, those early entries could have been influenced by the fact that she had ended her January retreat only the day before her first entry in the diary. This is unlikely, because her record of that retreat in a poem [172] is so calm in comparison with a previous poem written in adoration of her Master [173].

Broadly, those diary entries loosely classified as ‘mortification’ are few and far between and are not unduly influenced by the mission. The same is not true for ‘faults’. There are two clusters: one coincident with the talks on ‘the devil, the world, and the flesh’ (site owner’s classification), which take place before the lifting of the ban on visits to Carmel [174]; the other coincident with the talks in Holy Week [175]. Otherwise the entries are, again, few and far between.

One of the earliest examples of mortification in the diary is Elizabeth’s attempt to do without a morning meal and to offer this to God [176]. It didn’t last long because Maman found out [177]! With one eye on Carmel, Elizabeth was enamoured by the physical mortification practiced by nuns [178]. However, she realised that there were other forms of self-denial and she writes: “it is absolutely necessary for me to reach that stage at which I may always, and in things, do the contrary of my own will.” [179]; that is, in her quest for sanctity when her will would become one with that of her Master [180]. There is an added impetus to her quest because, as she naively puts it, if she becomes very good then she will be allowed to receive her Master daily [181]. Interior mortification interested her because she had been reading about this in St Teresa’s Works [182], and it had also been mentioned by her spiritual director [183]. Later on, she reveals that self-denial was one of the resolutions that she renewed every year [184].

It would be wrong to leave the impression that Elizabeth thought that she could immolate her will and practice self-denial unaided. She constantly asks Jesus, through prayer and Holy Communion [185] for strength in the struggles ahead [186] and for grace, and in one entry she more-or-less tells Him that since He has chosen her, that He has to keep her pure [187]! In her desire for union, her desire that Jesus will want to ‘be with her’ [188], she invites Him to strip her soul of everything that is not to His liking [189] For her age, she has a remarkably clear picture of the impediments to Jesus’ Love: she must be detached from all things ‘ici-bas’ [190]; and there is no place for pride ‘be it ever so humble!’ [191]. Her detachment from worldly pleasures has had to be very much a part of her hidden life up until now. Even in her diary she records how she must miss a part of the mission so as to dine with friends [192] but that she would rather be at the mission. These worldly pleasures do nothing for her [193].

It would be wrong also to leave the impression that Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour has no place in Elizabeth’s quest for sanctity. Marie is the perfect exemplar of perfection, purity, humility, detachment and perseverance. From childhood Elizabeth has always discussed everything with her. Who better than Marie to obtain the necessary graces to achieve perfection and perseverance [194]; to ask Jesus to send her humiliations [195]; and to maintain the guard on her purity [196] – “to Marie’s special protection Elizabeth must have owed the purity of her life.” [197].

FAULTS

There are only 2 diary entries on faults ahead of those relating to the mission. In the first Elizabeth refers to her dominant fault and her method of dealing with it: she offers Him her distress, and then listens in her soul to His counsel [198]. In the second entry Elizabeth is reflecting on St Teresa’s teaching on human love. She had been unaware of the difference between human love and heavenly Love; but now that the veil has been lifted, she admits to loving creatures far too much and for selfish reasons, and she affirms her intention to change this [199].

During the first week of the mission there were talks on penance, mortal sin, confession and death. Elizabeth records how much she enjoyed the talk on the various forms that penance may take [200], the point being made that one does not have to be a nun in order to practice mortification and penance [201]. The other talks made a deep impression on her and her tears flow freely as she pleads forgiveness for her sins [202]. In this respect, Elizabeth’s report on confession should not be overlooked, because the Preacher compared the attitudes of ministers in 3 different sects/religions: Protestant, Jansenist, and Catholic. So, once again, regardless of any Jansenist tendencies her Mother might have, Elizabeth was made freshly aware of the Jansenist teaching that she might not be one of the elect [203].

The parish church had been beautifully prepared for the Friday evening talk on death, with a large catafalque and lots of candles in honour of the souls in Purgatory [204]. The Preacher enacted an imaginary conversation between God and a person on the point of death. Elizabeth must have become completely wrapped up in it, because at the end she realised that her fear of the Judgement had vanished, giving way to a deep calm [205]. In her subsequent conversation with Jesus, she asks Jesus whether He could condemn someone who has given up everything for Him, who lives only for Him, regardless of whether she deserves hell. She finishes defiantly, but with love – ‘she is your Bride’ [206]! As P. Philipon remarks, “her pure soul never knew the stain of mortal sin” [207].

As the talks begin to focus properly on faults, there is a cluster of appropriate prayers [208], and her diary entries become more emotional, but no less sincere. She expresses her deep sorrow for her own sins [209], and those of the world [210]. Initially she maintains her confident stance, telling Jesus that they are going to be happy together, that she will never leave Him, and that He cannot leave her because He Loves her [211]. This confidence is all the more surprising because of the ‘horrible’ talk on Judgement which preceded her prayer [212]. However, it is all change, as she prepares for a general confession. She hasn’t made a general confession since her First Holy Communion, and the thought of the multitude of her offences terrifies her. How ever can Jesus stand the sight of her? She restores her confidence a little by telling Jesus that it is He who wants her as His Bride! Throughout she cries for forgiveness (pardon), over and over again. [213]. In the event, her confession restores confidence. It appears that she is more concerned over her purity than her other many sins and is grateful for the reassurance that she had not sinned in this respect [214].

As the talks look at different forms of worldly sin, her prayers pick these up. She thanks God for having spared her the temptations of bad books [215], and vanity [216]. She abhors entertainments [217] and pleasures [218], and longs for the day when the Master’s call will come, but for now, she pleads, they are a necessary part of her life in the world. Only with her diary entries for love of one’s neighbour, is there a sense that Elizabeth feels she has been remiss in the past and there is room for improvement [219].

At the start of Holy week, the talks concentrate on Divine love, the Holy Mass, piety and perseverance, with the Passion of Christ treated in detail later in the week. This Passion Sunday would forever live in Elizabeth’s memory: it was the day that Guite threw caution to the winds and tackled her Mother again; it was the day that the ban was lifted over visits to Carmel and entry into the Religious life. This says a lot about how Elizabeth regarded her vocation: she poured out her heart in a very long poem [220] and then gave herself wholeheartedly to the content of the talks. She wrote a short ‘sincere’ poem [221] in commemoration of Good Friday. In her diary there is another cluster of entries [222]: she confesses her weakness and tepidity [223]; she abases herself as a bad creature [224] and generally pleads for forgiveness [225].

In her diary entries for the subsequent retreat on the Crucifix, she again pleads for forgiveness [226], but she is less emotional than during the mission and her conversations are more balanced. She is overjoyed at having made a good confession on the Thursday Evening, and she is literally bubbling over with excitement in her conversation with the Master who spoils her [227]. She admits to being bad and to being a sinner, but she stresses just how much she loves Our Blessed Lord [228]. Confident in her love, she defiantly invites Him to at least admit that she does some good on earth [229]!

PRAYER

Worship
Elizabeth loved the ceremonial of church worship [230]. In her diary she writes of the impressive opening ceremonies for the mission [231]; and of the preparation of the church in remembrance of the Holy souls in Purgatory [232]. She contributed to the ceremonial by singing in the choir [233]. She must have spent many hours in prayer at her parish church, she mentions: attendance at vespers [234] and compline [235]; prayer before the Blessed Sacrament [236] – Perpetual Adoration [237], 40hours [238]; and prayer before the statue of Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour [239].

Prayer.
During the retreat attended previous to the mission, Elizabeth realised that the nature of her prayer was changing. She seemed to lose contact with the outside world, and found herself listening to God in her soul. The only word she can find to describe the feeling is ‘ecstasy’ [240]. Her ‘other-worldliness’ had been noticed when she was in the church [241], and later in the mission, “A friend noticed her kneeling, motionless and totally absorbed, for an hour and a half.” [242]. She remarks a week later that these new experiences are making vocal prayer quite difficult [243]. It must be added, but not in any way to derogate these diary entries, that Elizabeth was reading St Teresa of Avila on Contemplative prayer at the time [244]. On reading Elizabeth’s reflections and prayers during the mission, one can only remark that her gift for vocal prayer did not appear to have been affected by the change. There were 3 talks on prayer and 2 talks on meditation. Actually, one of the latter was confusing to Elisabeth and she determined to speak with the Preacher. The outcome is discussed by Jennifer Moorcroft [245].

Elizabeth writes of her desire to make her life one of continual prayer [246]; to live in the shade of His Sacred Heart [247]; and she did just that. Her diary teems with prayers of love, praise and petition. Petitions for the success of the mission [248]; for the conversion of the owner (Mr. Chapuis) of their house [249]; for poor sinners who have lost their way, for whom she begs God to moderate His ire [250]; for lost souls to accept the grace of conversion [251]; and for an increase in her own virtues [252]. In her inimitable way she tells God that she is not going to be put off, and intends to keep up her prayers until he listens to her [253]. Often under feigned exasperation she demands, “What more do you want to be touched?” [254]. In one entry addressing Our Father, she tells Him that He ought to be satisfied, seeing that all of the churches are full with people begging for grace! She prays for miracles, both for herself and for others, either directly to Jesus [255], or through Marie [256]. Marie is also asked, quite unashamedly, to grant her begging prayers [257].

Throughout her life she had great faith in the power of the novena both to Our Blessed Mother and to the saints, but more especially to Marie. There are two diary entries which record the ending of novenas to Our Blessed Mother, St Joseph and St Francis Xavier – all three for Mr Chapuis [258].

In one of the talks on sin the Preacher said that when anyone commits a mortal sin they are soaking their hands in the Blood of the Saviour [259]. The Precious Blood was mentioned again in one of the talks on the Holy Mass. The Preacher spoke of the Blood of God being on the Altar [260]. These remarks made an indelible impression on Elizabeth. In her reflective prayer Elizabeth invokes the Precious Blood in support of her petition for the conversation of Mr Chapuis [261]. A little while later on Good Friday, she enlarges on the earlier remark by writing that every human being is more-or-less soaked in the Blood of the Saviour [262]. In that same reflection she offers Jesus her life in the most moving of prayers, beginning: “I will return love for Love, blood for Blood, …” [263]. Comment would only detract from this outpouring. In letters from Carmel, Sr Elizabeth frequently asked Canon Angles to bathe her in Precious Blood in the Chalice when he celebrated Holy Mass [264].

As the intensity and the emotion associated with the mission abated and her spirituality deepened, so Elizabeth’s vocal prayers simplified. She writes about the use of short ejaculations – sweet nothings – in her prayers. She finds this more intimate and feels that her Beloved approves [265].

Towards mysticism
Elizabeth only used the word ‘ecstasy’ at the start of her diary before the mission began. There is no further suggestion of the change in the nature of her prayer until the Saturday of Passion Week, when she began using the word ‘union’ [266]. She then used it in 10 entries over the remainder of the diary. Based on the wording, the context in which it is used, and the assumed definitions of union [267]; 5 of these relate to natural (or intellectual) union [268]; and 4 to sacramental union [269]. There are other diary entries recording the receipt of Holy Communion, but with no mention of union [270]. One entry [271], may refer to perfect union (although not to the ‘mystical state’): here Elizabeth writes about ‘a more complete’ union and about a ‘cell’ in her soul. The idea of a cell is mentioned in several letters from Carmel [272], but there is a difference of ‘origin’: in the diary the construction of the cell is initiated by God, in the letters [273] by a human being in response to the Will of God.

There are 5 entries, including D140, [274] in which Elizabeth assumes that Jesus speaks in her soul [275] and she ‘listens’ [276]. P. Philipon records that Elizabeth had been experiencing strange phenomena in her soul, which she intended to discuss with her confessor [277]. These are similar to the 2 entries [278] at the beginning of the Diary in which the word ‘ecstasy’ appears. Note that P. Philipon does use the word ‘mystical’ unmistakably: “First mystical graces: retreat in January 1899” [279]; “first mystical intimations, when Elizabeth was nineteen”.(strictly, 18) [280].

CONFESSION, HOLY COMMUNION

At the end of the mission, Elizabeth asks Our blessed Lady to obtain for her the perseverance necessary to become perfect [281], then at the end of the retreat she tells Jesus that she wants to become so good… [282]. Naturally one associates these requests with her vocation, but there is an underlying reason: that she may receive Jesus in Holy Communion more often, and ultimately daily. A seemingly unusual reason in this day and age, but commonplace at the turn of the 19th/20th century in France, where the Parish Priest could determine the frequency with which one received Holy Communion. For Jansenism had not been killed off by the French Revolution [283]. In one of the mission talks on Confession, the Preacher condemned the frightful Jansenist doctrine that Jesus did not die for all mankind, only for the elect [284]. Fr De Meester refers to an ever-present Jansenist mentality [285]. He also refers to the practice then of receiving Holy Communion very soon after having been to Confession [286].

Elizabeth mentions going to Confession several times in her diary [287]. She had been advised to make an examen at night, and to note down the results in a pocket book [288] so as to discuss these with her confessor. Usually she manages to choose a confessor whom she admires spiritually [289], and often remarks on making a good confession [290] or being very satisfied [291]. These remarks are not sins of pride, for she is referring to the helpful spiritual direction which she has received [292]. Elizabeth appears to have made one general confession during the mission, the intention to do this resulting from a talk on death which really upset her [293]. She writes that it had been such a long time since she had made a general confession that she is terrified by the thought of all her sins. She chose her confessor thoughtfully and must have received great peace of mind, for there is only one remark on the outcome: that she had not sinned against holy purity [294].

When Elizabeth received her First Holy Communion she said ‘Jesus has fed me’ and she wept tears of joy [295]. No doubt she recalled this incident during the retreat, when the Preacher likened the soul to a desert, and recalled the words of Proverbs, ‘Come, eat my bread’ [296]. She also records in her diary that Jesus gives All to all: His merits, His sufferings, and Himself.” [297]. There was no equal to Holy Communion in this life for her [298]: at the conclusion of the diary she writes of the ‘summit of her happiness’ and ‘paradise on earth’ [299] when receiving Jesus. Every thought, every action, in her life proclaimed her deep and abiding love for Jesus. It was a happiness which Elizabeth believed had saddened her Mother, on one occasion before the mission, because it confirmed, yet again, that her daughter had received the call of God. With love for her Mother, Elizabeth offered this happiness to the Lord in joyful sacrifice [300].

Yes, the diary entries do confirm love, but there is an impression of ‘work to be done’: that love must be increased as she prepares for Carmel; that love must be increased to make up for the hurt caused by those who do not love Jesus. She wishes to make a holy preparation for Easter [301]; she wishes to help in the conversion of Mr Chapuis [302], and offers her Holy Communions for this purpose [303]; and, aware of her imperfections [304], she wishes to become ‘perfect’ so as to be allowed to receive Jesus every day [305].

'SHARING' THE CROSS

In her reflection on the Passion during Good Friday, Elizabeth thanks Jesus for hearing her prayer for a share of His Cross [306]. It is important to her because this is only given to His friends, and because this is a sign of predestination [307]. There is no record of what ‘predestination’ meant to Elizabeth at this age.

The entries in Elizabeth’s diary relating to the Cross are surprisingly few in number. During the mission, only in her reflection on the talk about ‘suffering’, does she echo the ‘message of the Cross’ immediately afterwards: to accept Jesus means that you also accept His Cross and His Crown of Thorns [308]. There is no sense of recrimination as she reminds Him that this is what she has been asking for such a long time, ‘I want only You and Your Cross’ [309]. It is implicit that ‘accepting’ the Cross means ‘sharing’ the Cross with Jesus. Elizabeth first asked to ‘share’ the Cross in a poem [310] written at the time 2 years earlier, when her mother had imposed a ban on her visits to Carmel. After that, ‘share’, and ‘sharing’, became favourite words [311], expressing her desire to participate in the Redemption. ‘Share’ is first used in her diary before the start of the mission [312] where she asks her Bridegroom for His Cross as she wants to share it with Him. She refers to the ban in her diary as an exile that is made bearable by being able to share the Cross [313]: she longs for Carmel as there is no longer anything for her in the world [314].

In a later talk on ‘sacrifice’, the idea of sharing the Cross was presented as essential to achieving true happiness [315]. This was referred to as, ‘the Way of the Cross’ [316]. Elizabeth includes the term twice in her prayers of intent following the closure of the mission. She petitions first Our Mother of Perpetual-Succour [317] and then her Bridegroom [318] for support ‘in’ this Way of the Cross. Addressing Marie she writes of her happiness in following (i.e., in suffering with) Jesus; and she tells Jesus that without the Cross (i.e. without suffering) she is unable to do anything. In an imaginary two-sided conversation; Jesus tells her that His support is essential and that she would falter without it [319]. Being powerless, to do anything without the support and strength given by Cross, is also found in the outpouring of her heart on Good Friday, together with the ejaculation, ‘Ave Crux, Spes Unica’ [320]. The latter had been quoted in French in a diary entry before the start of the mission [321]. At the time, she was well satisfied with her confession and overjoyed at the prospect of 4 days intimate conversation before the Blessed Sacrament. Having assumed the mantle of Bride, it was quite natural that she wanted to share the Cross with her Bridegroom [322].

In the diary, a request for His Cross is not always accompanied by a wish to share It, but there is no other interpretation. In her petitions, she may ‘beg for’ [323], ‘want’ [324], ‘want only’ [325], or ‘ask for’[326] His Cross. In one instance, she does write ‘give me, I beg’ Your Cross [327] , but at no time during the mission, does she seem to be as impassioned as when asking for souls. What appears to be a peremptory request is made following a talk on penitence: she writes ‘give me’; but she is demanding crosses, in the plural, to fulfil her penitential obligations and she then adds her wish to share these with Jesus [328]. Surprisingly, her previous mention of the Cross had been a month earlier on Ash Wednesday. There, the Cross is referred to as a supreme treasure reserved for her [329]!

Elizabeth makes only one reflection on the Cross during the retreat included at the end of her diary. Fr De Meester writes [330] that the Preacher P. Hoppenot had made a study of ‘the Cross’ and had written a book. He suggests that Elizabeth had probably copied passages from the book into her own memo book. This would account for the passion in her diary entry reflecting on the nailing to the Cross; and the tortures, and suffering, endured by her Beloved [331].

SUFFERING

Suffering.
P. Philipon writes that, “Her diary shows that she had early gained mastery over herself and over the childish nervousness that made her dread a visit to the dentist. She looked suffering in the face and even desired it eagerly”. [332]. In a letter to another aspirant to Carmel, Elizabeth wrote, “It is good to suffer for one, whom one loves” [333]. What did she understand ‘suffer’ to mean? Is the answer in her diary?

Elizabeth believes that God has invited her to suffer [334] for the sins of the world [335]. She accepts, wishing to suffer: to suffer with Jesus [336]; to work for His glory [337]; to do all for love of Jesus [338]. Her suffering must be in this world: although there is no suffering in heaven, she hopes to continue to work there for His glory [339]. Her suffering has to be selfless [340], and it has to be with Him [341]. It will be a good preparation for Carmel [342]: she is reading St Teresa’s ‘Way of Perfection’, from which she understands that every nun should wish to carry the Cross [343]. She wishes to offer her sufferings primarily for the conversion of souls [344]; in particular, for the soul of Mr Chapuis [345]. To make doubly sure of a successful outcome, she asks Marie to obtain further sufferings for her [346].

In her diary, Elizabeth gives 4 examples of actual ‘suffering’. She suffers, because Jesus is saddened by all the lost souls [347]. She suffers, when she reflects that her desire to become a nun is causing suffering to her Mother and sister [348]. She suffers in living a life which is no longer of any interest to her, and to which she must return when the mission and retreat are over: a life of vanity, visits, and parties [349]. Finally, she suffers in striving to achieve perfection in mortification and detachment: by doing that which is contrary of her own will in all things. [350]. One must assume that ‘sacrifice’ comes under the umbrella of suffering.

Sacrifice.
Elizabeth is avid for sacrifice [351]. The examples culled from her diary entries fall into 3 groups. First, when she is not able to share, to the full, the happiness of being with her Beloved Bridegroom: through not being allowed to receive Him every day [352] and on some other occasions [353]; or she believes, perhaps mistakenly, that this is upsetting her Mother [354]. Second, the thought of leaving her Mother and sister is a strain, even though she knows that Jesus will be there to fill the void [355]. Third, being prepared to give her life, as a holocaust in His image [356], to achieve some end for Jesus: the conversion of souls [357]; and the success of the mission [358]. Although her sacrifices are selfless [359] and entered into for love of Jesus, in her reflection on the mission talk about death [360], she pointedly asks Jesus whether He would condemn her in the Judgement [361]. This very sincere worry may have been occasioned by the undercurrent of Jansenism rife at the time.

Death.
Elizabeth’s offer to sacrifice her life for the success of the mission [362] could be dismissed as a trite remark. Even the same offer made in reparation for the insults to Our Divine Saviour, by mankind [363], could suffer the same fate. However, when she echoes St Teresa [364] in wishing to die a thousand deaths to save one precious soul [365], one begins to realise that Jesus has, indeed, wounded her heart [366], and how deep her love for Him really is [367]. She wants to be able to present the soul of Mr Chapuis to Jesus [368]: many more souls besides [369]; and she offers her life for this cause. She assumes that her lack of success is due to sinfulness: her love for Him is simply not enough. In her sorrow she cries for forgiveness [370] at having offended Him, repeating her anguished cry before her Crucified Lord on His Cross [371]. Death would be preferable to offending Him ‘even’ in venial sin [372].

Her maturing thought over the course of the mission and retreat has been remarked on elsewhere in these notes. This is noticeable following the retreat talk on Christian death, which she found so beautiful [373]. In her reflection, which is almost Pauline in thought, she is echoing an earlier poem [374] when she remarks that she dies by carrying the Master in her soul [375]. Earlier, she had written that in death she would not leave Him any more [376].

WINNING OF SOULS

One is bound to think that the talk on ‘Zeal for Souls’ was tailor-made for Elizabeth [377]. She thought that it was superb and her eyes were wet. She was being a little hard on herself by writing in her diary that this was one aspect of the ‘love of neighbour’ in which she could do better [378]. Elizabeth had a sincere desire to participate in the work of Redemption [379] through the conversion of souls [380], and the Preacher had said that one of the ways to do this was through sacrifice [381].

In her diary entries she records how she is haunted day and night [382] by Jesus’ thirst for souls [383]. She would have been well aware that while God always hears our prayers, when, and in what way, He answers them is His to choose. This point is made, because Elizabeth in her passionate interest writes figuratively, of bringing back souls [384], of gaining them [385], and of even asking God to give them to her [386] that she may give them to Jesus [387]. In one entry, she participates in an imaginary two-sided conversation with Jesus. She hurts; because the measure of His Love for souls was the Cross [388] – He asks her to satisfy His longing for souls; He acknowledges her devotion in this cause; and she questions whether Jesus’ call is even heard [389]. Excusing her boldness by reference to her Beloved Bridegroom, she addresses Our Father, asking Him what He needs to be touched [390], and asking for an answer [391]; the price is unimportant – she will pay anything [392]! Yes, Elizabeth really does mean ‘anything’ [393]: a lifetime of expatiation [394] – prayer [395]; offering Our Divine Saviour in Holy Communion [396]; enduring suffering [397], torment [398], and pain [399] in place of a soul [400]; and, if that is not enough, then she is prepared to die to release just one soul from bondage [401]. In another beautiful prayer she petitions God in the Name of my Jesus, referring to His sacrifice and to His Precious Blood [402].

There are some 24 relevant entries in her diary, and the previous paragraph illustrates Elizabeth’s penchant for repetition. It is interesting that 10 entries are made in the first 2 weeks; 6 entries made in Holy Week; and 8 in the remaining 3 weeks. It shows how in the absence of the mission or retreat, the conversion of souls is a part of Elizabeth’s prayer life. Even when she is immersed in a mission or retreat, her mind retains that focus, except when the exigencies of Holy Week come to the fore. Undoubtedly, the soul of the house owner (Mr Chapuis) is one that would give her joy [403] to present to Jesus. She is saying novenas [404] specifically for the conversion of his soul to Marie and the saints, and she has been delighted to see him twice at the mission [405]. Later her Mother speaks to him about going again [406]. Mischievously, Elizabeth ‘delights’ when he falls ill as this could mean that he will want a Priest. He doesn’t! For the record: he died 4 years later; and although there was doubt about his conversation, parish records showed that he had received the last rites [407].

Passiontide was an apposite time of year for Elizabeth to want to demonstrate by deeds that her deep love for Jesus [408] is not just words[409]. She had assumed the mantle of Bride-to-be and she fully intended to enact her role: by loving [410] and comforting [411] her Bridegroom [412] that He might forget the pain [413] of not being loved by those ‘lost’ soles [414], for whom she asks forgiveness [414]; and by assuming her part, however small [416] in the Redemption by sharing His Cross and suffering [417], while trying to get ‘lost’ souls to heed His call. She blames herself that Mr Chapuis has not heard the call; she takes the blame, writing that she has asked for such a lot, and not done that very well. Defiantly, she intends to continue praying until she is heard [418]! His ‘unhappiness’ is necessarily her unhappiness, likewise His joy is her joy; so she suggests on Easter Sunday that, for a while on this beautiful day, He should take comfort in those souls who have heeded His call and are filling the churches [419]. Easter Sunday was one of the occasions that Elisabeth ‘heard’ Jesus speaking in her soul while she listened [420]; Maundy Thursday was another [421].

She was always conscious of two ‘onlookers’! Humbly, yet at times defiantly, she addresses herself to the Father asking for guidance in her quest for souls [422] to give to her Bridegroom. While she admits to some self-interest [423], she tells the Father that He cannot refuse her anything that she wants for His Son [424]. The other onlooker is Marie, whom Elizabeth has always involved in her schemes [425]. As the mission is almost over her Mother is asked to hurry up the proceedings with regard to the conversion of Mr Chapuis and to obtain a miracle [426]; meanwhile Elizabeth is going to redouble her prayers to her [427].

SPIRITUALITY

Grace.
In her re-dedication to Jesus at the end of her retreat, Elizabeth writes that Jesus will fill her with the waters of His grace, likening herself to the woman at the well (Jn 4:14)[428]. Previously she had acknowledged and thanked Jesus for the many graces afforded her by the mission and retreat, and a retreat prior to the mission [429]. Graces given in trust [430], and not to be misused [431]. She admits that she cannot understand why He is so good to one who is so sinful [432]: His grace enabling her to see her faults [433]; and to realise that she is nothing, and can do nothing, without it [434].

While she does not ask for grace for ‘herself’, she has no hesitation in pleading for grace for the conversion of souls [435]. The sight of so many souls filling the churches and asking for grace, fills her with joy; and she pointedly asks Our Father if He is not satisfied by this sight [436]! Elizabeth is profuse in thanking Marie for obtaining grace, so unexpected, for her dear sister to speak with her Mother twice about the vocation; and for grace which will support both her Mother and sister in their sacrifice [437].

Spirituality.
If spirituality is understood to be the manner of thinking, living, and sanctifying one’s life [438], then Elizabeth’s diary is a record of her spirituality, and a separate section is superfluous. However, in some of the diary entries, she is unmistakably ‘nailing her colours to the mast’, and her spirituality is maturing as she does so.

Before the mission begins she picks up the phrase: “since He lives in me”, which is close enough to “If you abide in me”, (Jn 15:7, Douay); and then declares that she “intends to speak to Him” – St John gives, “you shall ask whatever you will”. Now Elizabeth had not received Holy Communion on this particular day [439]; so she may be referring to ‘Divine Indwelling’: although not, as yet, of the Most Holy Trinity.

One evening after praying before the statue of Our Lady of Perpetual-Succour for half an hour at the start of the second week of the mission, she discusses her vocation with Marie in the light of her Mother’s illness. She then turns in prayer to Jesus: His Will is her will, His Way is her way, she lives only for Him [440]. This has been thought through, there is no passion: it is unequivocal.

During Good Friday evening, Elizabeth listened to a talk on the Passion: she could not praise it enough [441]. Obviously the talk influenced her reflection and prayer, as it was intended to. She passionately declares her intention to live, to love, and to die with her Bridegroom. St Teresa’ s couplet, ‘suffer or die’ is quoted, and St Paul’s ‘quotidie morior’ (1Cor15:31) is paraphrased: perhaps, without her realising [442]. Note that part of this prayer is a copy of her prayer from the previous evening [443]; and that earlier on the Friday her Mother had told her about the marriage plan [444].

There was a 9 month gap between the end of the mission and the start of the retreat. During this time she wrote 4 (possibly 5) letters to the same recipient, 2 intimate notes, and 3 poems: the last that she would write before entry to Carmel. She visited Carmel and talked with the Prioress, Mother Marie of Jesus (‘Our Mother’).

Her spirituality matured noticeably as evidenced by the diary entries made during the retreat. She re-affirms her prayer to Jesus made earlier before the statue of Our Lady [445], but then adds the rider that whether she enters Carmel, or not, must be His decision and not hers [446]. She surrenders everything unequivocally – body, soul, desires, will – her very being, to Him [447]. She is also prepared to forego any consolations that she might have expected from the retreat, at His behest [448].

She is emotional in her final prayer because her dear friend, with whom she made her First Holy Communion, is leaving to become a nun [449]. She quotes Jesus’ remark to His Mother at Cana, ‘My hour is not yet come’ (Jn 2:4). Fr De Meester writes that it is certain Elizabeth ended her diary with entry [450], because of the blank pages which follow [451]. He could equally well have said, that it would have been impossible for her to add anything after the concluding oblation which came from her very soul. The last sentence in the diary also appears in the intimate note written on the same day [452].

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